Monday, March 29, 2010

This thing we call Friendship...

"False friends are like our shadow, keeping close to us while we walk in the sunshine, but leaving us when we cross into the shade." -Unknown

I have been thinking for days now about a comment that was made to me about friends:

 "I have to say, when I got pregnant and then had a baby...I really discovered who my true friends were."

It is interesting to sit back and watch as your life unfolds, as people are brought into the light, as you see things through a clear lense as opposed to a rose colored one. It is disheartening and tear jerking to discover that people you held dear to your heart were merely leeches sucking on the good times until they ran dry, then moving onto to the next innocent bystander.

However, in all of these contemplations I am able to find a greater peace and a perfect stillness because I realize I have two true friends that make up for any shortcomings I find in others.  God, first and foremost, and do not sigh because you know that was coming or because it is as I will admit quite corny sounding.  Either way it is the truth and even though I find times when I ignore him, in my times of sorrow and repentenance is he not there?

Second, only after Him, my husband. It was not always easy to call him my friend.  In the beginning, before life stuck its claws into many aspects of our relationship, he was my husband and I loved him.  Today, he is my husband and I love him, but more importantly a representation of true friendship. Who can see you at your worse?  Shattered, beaten, tired, hideous, smelly, emotional, broken, fragile, evil, and vengeful...who can see you like this in the depths of sin and remorse and still love you?  (Besides God) We have both seen each other this way and every time we have come back with a deeper love and appreciation for the other. This is where most marriages fail. Some people don't understand that true love means "locking the door behind you and throwing away the key".

So as I sat there contemplating friendship and those who are not your real friends, I feel not a single bit of loss.  For what I have gained in return is greater and richer than a million wannabe friendships.  This is where God comes through, this is Him answering prayers and mending hearts. You just have to be ready to receive and open your eyes and your heart to the simple silent answers he is constantly whispering.

To my best heart and soul: 
"If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. I'll always be with you.”  -Winnie the Pooh

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Theories Schmeories

Stupid parenting theories...bottom line nobody knows what the heck they are doing so they make up a theory based on what worked for them and that is relative. I mean did it or is it REALLY working if you are sending your kid a negative message about marriage and their ability to cope in life without you?

I listen to many parents say things like "this is what is best for my child"...or... "this is what makes them happy", but from where I'm sitting I have to ask myself whether or not that is true.  Is it really best for them and what makes them happy, or is it what makes that particular parent happy.  I mean if sleeping with your child is best for your child does that mean that NOT sleeping with your husband and having time to connect with them is also BEST for your child.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that so many parents try to live through their children and project their own emotions onto their child.  The PARENT wants to cuddle with their child so they say their child needs to sleep with them. So the parent is the one benefiting and not the child because the child does not learn how to sleep independently and the child believes mommy and daddy do not need time alone together that is sacred and cherished.

I really believe every parent should ask themselves this question whenever they are making decisions about how to handle their child, "What message am I sending my child?" It is important for me to always send the message to Lainey that her daddy and I love her, but just as important we love each other and we are family.  Our family does not revolve around HER, our family revolves around her, daddy, and mommy.  All of us are in this together and all of our needs are equally important in the equation.  She is PART of our family and not THE family. 

That being said, on one side people say attachment parenting is best and that babywise could harm your child psychologically.  AND of course on the otherside babywise claims the same about attachment parenting.  Again I say do what you think is best for your FAMILY.  Not for you, not just for your child...for your FAMILY. Hopefully, I'm right in saying that but I guess we'll just have to see in 25 years how my Laineybug turns out.  I have a feeling though that no matter what she will be just fine because she is very loved and cared for and at the end of the day isn't that what counts?

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Ala Family Art

Waking up to this face has proven to be the perfect remedy for a head full of grumpy angry thoughts. And believe me, when you are working on very little sleep AND the cat is clawing at the blinds trying to get to the window (because for some reason he thinks your backyard changed since yesterday) AND the baby is screaming for you AND you HAVE to get out of your warm perfectly made bed (haha yeah right!), you can come up with some pretty awful grumpy angry thoughts. But seriously though, how can anyone stay grumpy with two eyes like this staring them down even if it IS 4 am and even if they did JUST manage to poop all over themselves and the table they are laying on? Not to mention, after the climatic event passes they suddenly light up with smiles meant especially for you.

AND that is how my day starts. AND that is pretty much how I imagine it will end. BUT we draw on. Steven, Alaina, and I. Armed with markers, crayons, pens, and paintbrushes, we color our life the way we see fit and all of the boo boos we make along the way, well they are part of what we happily refer to as... the Ala Family Art. I hope you will enjoy our art as much as we enjoy making it.